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Our Son, the Doctor

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:23:11 GMT

I'm beginning to sound like a Jewish mother instead of a Christian father. Our son Ryan recently graduated from the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine. I'm really proud of him and I now know why other parents whose children have graduated from medical school always bring it up in conversation. "Say, did I tell you about our son, the doctor...?"

Here is a picture of the three of us at graduation:

Memorial Day

Fri, 22 May 2009 16:21:57 GMT

Serve.

Service.

To Serve.

These are all words similar in meaning and identical in importance. This week we will be thinking about the meaning of those words as related to a special day—Memorial Day.

Memorial Day was just another day on the calendar for me until an incident on a summer day in 1979. Carla and I had won scholarships to study at Oxford University in July of that year. That was our first time overseas and the experience was wonderful. As part of the cultural events of the summer, our group went by bus to another university city, Cambridge. As we were going back to Oxford, we stopped at an unusual place—the American cemetery outside of Cambridge. This was the final resting place of US soldiers who died in that area or who were recovered elsewhere and brought back there during the Second World War.

While looking at the names displayed on the wall inside the visitor’s center, Carla stopped at a name that was familiar. It was her uncle. No one in the family had ever known what happened to him, and they did not know that his name was inscribed in such a place. We took pictures and sent them back to family. It was a very emotional experience.

On that day, Memorial Day “happened” to me. I finally got it and I’ve never forgotten the lesson.

To those who have served or are still serving, the United States of America thanks you. The world owes you a great debt.

New Men's Conference Where I'll Be Speaking

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 18:20:24 GMT

Jacksonville Morning Seminars

(All sessions will be recorded and available for purchase)

10:45 – 11:50 REPEATED 1:45-2:40

Bringing God’s Hope to Men in Times of Crisis

Jack Munday, Director, Billy Graham Rapid Response Team

Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, Charlotte, NC

Building a Spiritual Legacy Worth Leaving

Dr. Don Aycock, Senior Pastor and Author

Liberty Church, Palatka, FL

Keys to Unlocking Our God-Given Potential and Destiny

PIONEERING MEN

Rex Tignor, Eastern Director

People Matter Ministries, Richmond, VA

Lifestyle Evangelism for the ‘Sharing Impaired’

Doug McCary, Director of Evangelism and Outreach

Men at the Cross, ??

Making a Paradigm Shift in Your Small Groups

Rev. Daryl McCray, Founder and President

D.M.J. Ministries, Fort Mill, SC

MEN’S MINISTRY LEADERS

No Man Left Behind Model- An Overview of the Proven Model on How to Build and Sustain a Thriving Disciple-Making Ministry for Every Man in Your Church

Jim Angelakos, National Ministry Consultant

Man in the Mirror, Casselberry, FL

Reach One/Lead One

Eddie Blackmon, Director

Men’s Mission and Ministries Department, Florida Baptist Convention

Jacksonville & Panama City, FL

U-Can!

John Isom, Jr., Ministry and Chaplaincy Consultant

The U-Can Man! Ministries, Valdosta, FA

Unlimited Partnership: An Abundant Marriage

Mike and Wendy Behar, Regional Field Staff

DNA Ministries, Florida

Mike, Regional Director, FMI, Ocala, FL

Others:

Hal Taylor

Al Daniels

Art Remington

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 11:34:28 GMT

Dealing With Loss and Grief During the Holidays

The thought of approaching holidays does not always bring delight. Sometimes it brings a lump in the throat and tear to the eye. Other people may be buying gifts and planning trips. But you may be planning how to avoid parties and stay away from people.

Holidays do not necessarily create feelings of grief in us. Instead, they intensify the feelings that are already present. How can we deal with the sense of loss and grief we might feel during holidays?

Think of the word future. It will help us get a handle on how we feel and what we can do about it.

Focus on the Here and Now.

We don’t just have memories—we are our memories. They help define us and know who we are. A person without memories is to be pitied. Have you ever known someone with Alzheimer’s disease? If so, then you understand.

But we cannot live only in the past. We can become an emotional Lot’s wife, always looking behind us to see what lay back there. Maybe it was helpful and good. Maybe it was painful. But at least the past was known. The future can be scary and uncertain.

A helpful strategy for dealing with holiday grief is to look at today and plan for now. This does not mean that you have to forget the past. It simply means that you determine not to be stuck there. If your situation is different from what it used to be, ask yourself how you might still have a meaningful holiday. What can you do differently? Are there other people in your similar situation you could be with?

Don’t just drift. Plan. Think about today. Do something for yourself. Focus on the here and now.

Understand Your Changing Situation.

People in a crisis often feel they are walking an uncharted road. For them it may be, but many others have walked that road before. Those who have gone before have blazed a trail and left behind maps that will help you navigate the rugged terrain.

Investigate what you are going through. Read books and other material about grief. They will help you understand how you feel. Go to the library or bookstore and get some books on grief. Read and absorb them. One person who did this was amazed that some of the writers were able to articulate exactly what she was feeling. She said, “I had never really thought that anyone had felt this way, but now I see they have.” Granger Westberg’s little book, Good Grief, has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and has helped many people deal with loss.[1] Many others like it are in print. Understanding what a grieving person is going through is itself part of the healing process.

Your religious faith comes into play here, too. Ask God for help in understanding this time and in getting through it. If you are familiar with the Psalms then you know that many of them are very open about the terrible situation the author was in. Some express anger and frustration, but they always look beyond the pain of the moment to divine help. Consider Psalm 34:18-19 for example: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.” (NIV)

Touch As Often As Appropriate.

We never lose our need to touch. Age or grief does not necessarily blunt our need to touch other people and be touched. In fact, it may increase it. I learned this fact many years ago when I was a young pastor. One day I went to visit an older friend of mine in a nursing home. As I walked through the lobby I heard someone laughing. I turned to see an older woman standing there. She was laughing at me. Although I did not know her I stopped. She looked at me intently and said, “You know, you look just like my old man!” Then it was my turn to laugh. She said, “I sure wish I could hug you.” I stepped up to her and said, “Be my guest.” That lady latched on to me with surprising strength. When we had hugged each other for a moment, she laughed some more and then shuffled off down the hall. I never saw her again.

That experience convinced me that everyone needs to touch and be touched in appropriate ways, even in times of grief. Television personality Joan Rivers’ husband committed suicide. Their daughter was a student at the University of Pennsylvania at the time. She said, “A lot of people, ones I expected nothing from, would just randomly come up and hug me and then walk away. It was very moving.”[2]

Some people do not like to be touched, so be careful about this. Others who are still grieving recoil from touch. Be sensitive to the needs of those around you. If you need a hug or someone to hold your hand for a while, tell people. Most will gladly oblige.

Unite With Other People in Your Same Situation.

Being together with others who have experienced the same losses as you have can be a great comfort. But heed this caution. Don’t let your time together become a protracted “pity party.” Most communities have various support groups for survivors of losses. There are support groups for divorce, survivors of suicides, losses of a child, and others. These groups can help a grieving person walk through the known issues that will crop up from time to time during the grieving process.

The Bible has an example of a group of people going through grief together and helping each other. Psalm 137 gives this picture. The Jews had been deported to Babylon. Thinking of their former homeland was bitter to them. Listen to their cry: “By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion. There on the poplars we hung our harps, for there our captors asked us for songs, our tormentors demanded songs of joy; they said, ‘Sing us one of the songs of Zion!’ How can we sing the songs of the LORD in a foreign land?” You can feel the collective grief expressed in this Psalm. The people went through it together and helped each other.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson, wrote in his In Memoriam: “That loss is common would not make my own less bitter, rather more. Too common! Never morning wore to evening, but some heart did not break.”3 The commonness of loss and grief caught Tennyson’s attention. It catches ours, too. Others have experienced what you have. Let them help you.

Reach Out To Others In Need.

You are not the only person who has experienced grief. Many others have, too. One thing many people find helpful during grief is reaching out to others and doing something for them. One man whose wife died said, “I have discovered that the routine tasks of maintaining my job and family have helped restore in my life that familiar structure which the chaos of grief threatened to destroy.” The very act of helping his children and going to work to do his part helped him during his time of grief.

Doing something for others helps to relieve your sense of loss and helps you to heal. Can you think of people who need you now? Even if you do not have children living at home now, you probably have neighbors, friends at church, and acquaintances at civic clubs who could genuinely use your help. Giving yourself away in service is one helpful way to heal from your own wound of grief.

Evolve With the Times.

You have experienced a great loss. There is no one way to deal with it. There are, instead, many ways. But whatever you do, you need to know that things will never be exactly as they were before. Situations change. The key word here is adapt. Be willing to change and be flexible.

One family was willing to change like this. The wife and mother of this family died during surgery. The husband and grown children were devastated. They had not expected the death. The first Christmas after her death was a time of high anxiety for them. How would they get through the holidays without her?

She had collected small bells for years. The family decided to get together for Christmas as usual, but this time everyone would bring a bell in honor of their loved one. It was a new ritual they started that will help them heal and still honor the memory of their loved one.

Maybe you need to begin new traditions and rituals. We are not stuck doing the same things over and over again. Change with your circumstances when appropriate. Evolve with the times.

This will give you a future— something to look forward to and to live for. May God bless you during this special time of the year.

[1] Granger Westberg, Good Grief: A Constructive Approach to the Problems of Loss (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1971).

[2] Joan Rivers, Bouncing Back (New York: HarperCollins, 1997), p. 86.

3 Alfred, Lord Tennyson, “In Memoriam,” canto vi., lines 5-8.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 11:24:49 GMT

Be Filled

Genesis 1:2

The description of the earth as “formless and empty” is a frightening picture. We don’t do well with nothingness. Emptiness seems like a death sentence. For some men this description is not a statement about the cosmos but a comment on their lives—“formless and empty.” Does that describe you?

You might be surprised to learn that many men feel this way. They have worked hard to achieve a certain position or status in life. In the early years all the sacrifices seemed worthwhile. The long days and sleepless nights, the time away from family, the hours chiseled off the weekends, all appeared to be needed for the goal. But what about now? Do you wish you could get those days back?

I know what I’m talking about. I entered the doctoral program, moved our family to another state, and began a new pastorate when my twin sons were nine months old. Talk about a challenge! I think I was a reasonably good father, but I know that the stresses and demands of those four years were hard on all of us. I look back at pictures of those days and remember them as time spent working harder than at any time before or since. I loved what I was doing and really thrived. But I know, too, that my family sometimes got the leftovers.

You may know that feeling, too. One man said, “I spent years climbing the ladder of success only to discover it was leaning against the wrong wall.” Look again at today’s Bible verse. The last part reads, “and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” That is what saves the day for us. God is hovering, ready to bring creation out of chaos. Another word for that is salvation in its fullest sense—wholeness, soundness, and unity.

Would you allow the Lord to do his work of bringing creation out of chaos in your life? The last words of our lives do not need to be “formless and empty.” Instead, our lives can include these words: “the Spirit of God was hovering.”

Thank You, Lord, for hovering around my life. At times I seem to be a walking embodiment of “darkness was over the surface.” But You have intervened both in creation and in my life. Give me strength, unity, and purpose. Through Jesus’ name, Amen.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 11:12:52 GMT

January 1

A New Beginning

Genesis 1:1

“In the beginning….” Those words have the refreshing sound of a mountain waterfall. Who doesn’t long for a new beginning? One of the things I like to do at the end of each year is to think back over the previous twelve months and consider what went well and what did not go so well. I ask myself some hard questions like these: Am I into any habits that prevent me from being what I want to be? Are there specific actions I need to change? Are there attitudes that need work? Am I being dishonest with myself in any area of my life?

If you ask yourself enough questions like these, you will get depressed or get motivated! For me, and maybe for you, these questions are motivating. That is why I find Genesis 1:1 so refreshing. Imagine it. You can draw a line in the chronology of your life and say, “I’m starting over. From this day forward I can change the course of my life by making some corrections.”

One of the ways we can change is by spending some time each day in conversation with God. Reading this devotion book will be helpful, but prayer and reading the Bible are essential. I know. You have tried that in the past but had trouble following through. You are in good company. But think of it this way. Developing a consistent devotional life is like investing small amounts of money over a long stretch of time and watching the magic of compounding interest take effect. Small investments can pay big dividends.

Make up your mind that you will get up fifteen minutes earlier, or keep the TV or radio off for a while, or stay up a bit later to get in your devotion time. You may not notice any difference at first. But stay with it. Let those powerful words, “in the beginning,” work for you.

Lord, thank You for the power of a new beginning. Help me to remember that You were there when the world and all that is in it began. You are here now, too, through your Spirit. Help me develop the strength and resolve to spend time with You each day. Give me guidance as I grow in relationship to You and others. Through the name of Jesus, Amen.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:51:16 GMT

IN PRAISE OF WHAT LASTS

We replaced our old microwave oven recently. The remarkable thing is that we bought it in 1982! I had just started my doctoral work in New Orleans when I got an advance for a book I had written. That check was for $850, which seemed like all the money in the world at that time. I asked Carla what she wanted. She said, “A color television and a microwave.”

We went to our local Sears and she picked out the ones she wanted. The television died long ago and I don’t remember anything about it. But she chose a microwave/convection combination that was the most expensive in the store. We lugged it home, set it up, and began modern life.

That microwave was like a time machine. It was the only microwave my children ever knew while they were growing up. It was in our house in Louisiana when it got flooded; it traveled with us to Tennessee, and then, finally, landed in Florida. It cooked every conceivable meal that we set on our table. It was like that little battery bunny in the commercials—it kept going, and going, and going. Finally, it began acting unpredictably and we got a new one.

Look around your house. How many items do you have that are still functioning from 1982 or earlier? I’m not talking about that seersucker suit you have in your closet hoping it will come back into style. What can you still use?

I have two turtleneck sweaters that I’ve had since 1976 when I bought them in Louisville, Kentucky. They still fit and I wear them under my shirts when the weather is really cold. Like me, they are showing signs of wear and tear, but they still work.

The point is that we live so fast and have access to so many items that nothing seems to last very long. We buy something, it breaks, we throw it out and get another one. What is made to last?

Religious faith puts us in touch with the eternal. As Hebrews 13:8 puts it, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Christ is the eternal anchor holding us fast to eternity. In a world of shifting values, changing priorities, and sliding morals, that is genuinely good news. Trust Him and live your life connected to something that won’t break down or wear out.

Oh, and that seersucker suit in your closet—go ahead and wear it. Maybe you’ll start a new fashion trend.

Out of the Depths

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:05:35 GMT

“But we know these things because God has revealed them to us by his Spirit, and his Spirit searches out everything and shows us even God’s deep secrets.”

1 Corinthians 2:10

On a trip to Reykjavik, Iceland, I took a tour of the city. One of the most fascinating aspects of Reykjavik is that the entire city is heated with hot water that is piped straight out of the ground. Iceland sits atop a volcanic field that keeps the water below heated to extreme temperatures. Although the island is almost on the Arctic Circle, residents can take advantage of hot water in the depths of their nation to generate electricity and provide heat.

But let us suppose that the citizens of Iceland never bothered to tap into the natural resource below their feet. We would think they were anything but wise. Would they be any less wise than a Christian who will not tap into the riches of God’s gifts? Today’s reading speaks of “God’s deep secrets.” These are aspects of our walk with God that we will not experience until we dig deeper.

God has great things to show you if you will tap into the depths of his grace.

Too Grateful to be Anything Else

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:04:29 GMT

Too Grateful To Be Anything Else

“No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Some pastor friends and I went to visit a retired professor. He had risen to the very top of his profession. He taught at a prestigious university, received numerous awards and all sorts of recognition, and spoke at nearly every major university and seminary in the nation. His list of published books is impressive.

My friends and I did not know quite what to expect since none of us had met him before. We found a warm, friendly man who treated us like old friends. He even had cake and coffee ready when we arrived.

After a day of stimulating conversation and deep discussions we were drawing our time to a close. I said, “Fred, you have traveled all over the country, received numerous awards, achieved more that most of us can imagine, yet you have remained humble. How it that?” He laughed and said, “That’s easy. My interior world is so filled with gratitude for what I have. How could I be anything else?”

Take a close look at your life. You may find you are too grateful to be anything else.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:42:56 GMT

Desperate Discipleship

Mark 2:1-12

I have been working on a formula for my spiritual life. See what you think of this: desperation plus imagination and effort=success.

Where did I get this? Right from today’s reading. You know the story. Some men wanted to take a crippled friend to see Jesus and ask for healing. When they got to the location their paths were blocked. Everybody else wanted the same thing. They could not get into the front door so they made their own door—in the roof.

I love that! They were not about to be turned back because the way was not paved and they not were escorted by a visible angel. Far too often I hear people say things like, “I just didn’t feel that the door was open to me.” Well, make another door! Yes, I know that often life really does seem to close off certain paths to us. I know a man who wanted to play in the NFL. He actually made the pros but discovered once he was there that was really not what he wanted. He backed up and searched for another door.

The paralyzed man had some great friends. They knew his desperation enough that they used their imaginations and put their thinking into action. Jesus noticed their effort and said to the man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” That shook everyone up. At the end of the story Mark records these words: “This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, ‘We have never seen anything like this’.”

God, as described in the Bible, is not a boring, safe deity! He is active and surprising. His son Jesus was, too. I imagine he laughed out loud when his sermon was interrupted by a bunch of intense guys with enough guts to cut their own path to him.

Are you desperate? Congratulations. Put on your thinking cap and get busy.

Lord, I’m coming to You, no matter what is in my way. Through Christ, Amen.